Help Your Helplessness

Every situation is an adventure and an opportunity to learn and grow. A recent customer experience I had with a brand reminded me to enjoy every step of the journey, especially the annoying steps.

Typically, when my family goes on a vacation we don’t view the process of getting from point A to point B as part of the vacation, but as a necessary middle-step to get us to where we’re going. However, our recent trip to Florida made getting there and back a critical part of our vacation; so much so that I felt compelled to write this post. 

Be Ready for Anything.

6:15 AM: We arrive at the airport for a 7:45 AM departure with our 6-month old and 2 ½-year old in tow. We have bags and car seats to check and boarding passes to retrieve since we have a lap-child. The line for counter check-in at American Airlines is at least 50 deep. The kiosk line is moving faster, so we get in that one, hoping we can do a bag-drop after our boarding passes print. After punching ‘no’ and ‘continue without changes’ in response to 7 or 8 upsells, the machine spits out a receipt saying we need to go to the counter–the one that’s 50 people deep. When we ask an agent helping sort people into lines whether she can help us make sense of why the kiosk didn’t print our passes, she responds abruptly, “I can’t help you, just get in that line.” 

6:35 AM: It’s been 20 minutes already. We spot a shorter line at the First Class counter and decide to stand in it despite our non First Class status as our 6-month old was starting to fuss. Another ground agent comes to check if we’re actually First Class passengers; when we said no he tells us to go to the other line (50 people deep, remember?), and then proceeds to tell the agent at the front of the First Class line to only help those who have status in this line. We choose to stay in line, now feeling anxious about whether we will make our flight 

7:00 AM: We make friends with the First Class passengers around us and they show empathy for our situation, agreeing that it’s okay for us to get helped ahead of them. We get to the front of the line and the agent says she can’t help us because we aren’t First Class passengers. We tell her we are not getting in the other line and that she has a simple choice whether or not to help us so we can make our flight. This is the moment when our two-year old informs us that she has to use the potty. While my wife takes both kids to the bathroom, the agent goes to speak to her boss for a good five minutes. Five minutes!  Even the people in line are shocked at how she chooses to spend her time rather than helping customers get to their flights. The agent clearly has no empathy for our situation, or the freedom to make a decision that seems like the right thing to do.

Find the calm in the midst of the storm.

7:10 AM: We are waiting to be helped by the manager but are unsure if he will actually help us. I’m losing patience very quickly and am holding my short temper in check because I know my two-year old is watching how we are handling this chaos. In that moment of helplessness, my daughter begins playing with her backpack and wants to take out something to play with. My first thought is, “We don’t have time for that, let’s just try to get on the flight!” But my second thought is, “Okay, let me help you.” It was this second thought that enabled me to connect with my daughter and meet her needs in the moment–something that the American Airlines staff had failed to do for the last hour we had spent in various lines. Playing with my daughter in our helpless situation calmed me and brought me to a place of acceptance in our situation. I didn’t lose sight of the tension of our situation, but I was able to reprioritize and focus on what was important through my mini-disruption of play.

The play break helped me to take on an appreciative voice and tone with the agent and I used words like please and thank you to continue to model the behavior that I was expecting in return, despite the fact that the words were not reciprocated.  

Stay focused on what you want.

7:20 AM: We stand in front of that First Class line until the manager finally calls us over and helps. Our silent protest was a demonstration of staying focused on our need–to be treated like people who needed a little help getting on our flight. The manager at check-in helps us and then sends us on our way. Luckily the security line is short because of the long check-in line. We run, kids in tow, to the gate and hear our names being announced for the last call. Once on the plane, we’re happy but in an anxious mood. I’m not sure the folks at check-in realize the impact they have on passengers. 

Be ready for it to happen all over again.

After a wonderful few days in Florida with friends, we receive a call the morning of our return letting us know our flight has been canceled. For a few hours we’re unsure about our travel plans and relive our frustration with American Airlines. Instead of sharing the details of the return, I’ll just say that we stayed one extra night in Florida, made the most of our extra vacation time, and flew home the next day on United.

What I learned from this travel experience:

1. Exercise empathy and compassion in the face of adversity. As I communicated compassion for the agents, there was a sense of disarming of their power. Just enough that their level of control was neutralized by a simple form of guilt and the need to reciprocate the same compassion.

2. People are motivated to go beyond their role only if they are given the freedom to. Most likely there were unforeseen circumstances that impacted the way the check-in staff handled the situation. Part of their behavior was likely attributed to the busy travel day, and part was due to the fact that the team was not empowered to make their own decisions to help customers. This was not the agent’s fault but the system’s–solving problems quickly and creatively didn’t seem to be encouraged in this situation. 

3. Suspend judgment. Allow room for improvement, but have (high) expectations. Find opportunities to give feedback, but don’t do it callously or with malintent; do it to serve the next customer the employees will engage with.

4. Engage in play to disrupt the negativity. Play is a vehicle to see the world through a positive mindset. Try something new, and when in an appreciative mindset, be ready to be pleasantly surprised. 

5. Make choices so you know where you stand. Make bold choices that are in line with your values. When challenged, hold your ground, so long as you know why you are justified in holding your ground. 

Here are some of my choices (some are not convenient):

I choose not to only make price sensitive decisions when it comes to flying.
I choose not to fly American Airlines. Ever. Again.
I choose to fly United Airlines sometimes; particularly with the pilot who landed nicely in the crazy San Diego storm.
I choose to fly Southwest Airlines because they make me laugh and smile.
I choose to let people know when I don’t think I was treated fairly.
I choose to exercise empathy because my children and others are watching and learning.
I choose to be assertive and expect empathy in return.
I choose to deliver feedback as often as possible with any level of employee.
I choose to play when I’m stressed and anxious, as well as when I’m happy and full of joy.

What do you choose?

The author has no affiliation with any airline or any financial interest in any of the companies mentioned in this blog post.

Photo: Shawn Parr